The Many Misfortunes of the Bad Touch Trio
by Sushi-taro
Summary: A random drabble fic about our favorite band of infamous friends. Join them as they travel though a wide variety of strange and purely random adventures, with many a laugh along the way. And in an purely awesome way that only those three can achieve, or course! Ratings vary from chapter to chapter. Also, the cover art isn't mine.


**Brief Summary: **In which Canada confronts Prussia about lying about their sex life. And of course their conversation wasn't as private as they first thought.

**Rating: **M (to be safe) _for mentions of a steamy and passionate sex life, as well as a bit of really bad language_

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**1 - in which France and Spain learn Prussia's greatest secret**

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"Ow, Birdie! What's the big idea, dragging me out like this? So unawesome!"

Prussia huffed, which turned into a squeal as Canada pulled him even harsher by the ear out the door. The World Meeting they'd been attending had ended nearly an hour ago and most everyone had left, except for Prussia, his friends, and Canada, who had tried to wait patiently and given up. He was just about to leave when he heard Prussia mention something to France and Spain that just might've-_might've_-ticked him off a little.

And the next thing Prussia knew, he was being dragged out of the almost-empty room by the ear by a very angry boyfriend.

"Birdie, stop!" Prussia shouted, finally getting out of the semi-invisible Canadian's surprisingly strong grip. "What the hell, get off me!"

"How! DARE! You!"

"How dare I? How dare I?! You're the one who dragged me away from a perfectly good conversation with my two closest friends only to yell at me for absolutely no reason!"

"No reason?" Canada started to laugh in a slightly hysterical sort of way. "You seriously think I have no reason to be angry?"

Prussia frowned. "No, I don't. For serious, tell me what this is all about?"

"You don't know." He sounded incredulous, before turning and giving his boyfriend a crippling glare. "Think back about two minutes, Gil. Think about what you said to France and Spain two minutes ago."

"Yeah, we were catching up about the weather and good beer and stuff like tha-"

"You did more than talk about that!"

"And how would you know that?" he asked with crossed arms.

Canada stared at him with a look mixed with pity, wonder, disbelief, and anger. "What is it with you? Are you just trying to prove your masculinity to them or something? Is it really that important to flaunt about what we do when it's just the two of us?"

Prussia paled as he realized what he'd done. "You didn't overhear me, did you?"

"Loudass! Or course I heard you! What I want to know is how could you possibly lie to them like that?"

He decided to play the idiot card (for once). "Birdie, what are you talking about?"

"You know full well what I'm talking about." Canada huffed as he stared his boyfriend down. "You told your friends you top."

Prussia laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "No, I was telling them about the one time-"

"Exactly. One. Time. The _only_ time you've ever topped me, and we were both drunk out of our minds."

"It's not like you didn't enjoy it."

"I did enjoy it, but that's beside the point. The point is is that you flat-out lied to them!"

"Bent the truth!"

"White lie!"

"Silver lining!"

"That doesn't even make sense!"

Prussia stayed quiet.

"You haven't topped in over a year!" Canada shouted.

"Eleven months…"

"Same difference!" he practically shrieked. "Fuck it Gil, I'm really upset!"

"Birdie, are we really going to talk about it here?"

"And not only that," the blond continued, "but you had the nerve to say that I'm into BDSM and role-play sex! And all kinds of other kinky, unspeakable things!"

"It's the truth!" he insisted.

"But you enjoy it more than me, eh?! I doubt you told anyone how you love to be tied up and fucked up the ass until you're begging for release every single time we-"

"Birdie~" Prussia whined, face turning scarlet. "Not here. I don't want someone to hear you."

That got a real laugh out of him. "Someone hearing me? Wow, that's real funny. Absolutely hilarious. Only you would forget no one ever _sees_ me anymore. No one but you, Papa, and Cuba. And when people do see me, they think I'm America. As if I'm anything like my stupid brother! Even he thinks he's seeing double instead of a brother sometimes!"

"Oh God, Birdie…"

They were interrupted by the sound of a creaking door hinge. Both of the nations turned towards the source: an old wardrobe.

"You heard that, eh?"

"_Ja_…"

Canada pushed Prussia forward. "Go on, take a look inside."

"Wait, why me?!"

"You were just trying to prove your masculinity, weren't you. So this should be piece of cake, eh?"

Knowing he had set himself up, Prussia sighed. "Fine, but only because I'm such an awesome, manly boyfriend!"

"More like lying boy toy," Canada muttered while rolling his eyes.

"I heard that!"

He took one cautious step forward. Nothing. Prussia took another step forward, curious. He leaned forward until he was inches away from the crack between the door. It was pitch black.

"Anything?" asked Canada.

"Not that I see, Birdie," he replied as he turned back to look over his shoulder.

And then there was the glint of two pairs of eyes.

The self-declared awesome one jumped back in surprise with a shout, tumbling backwards and falling flat on his butt. "What the fuck?!"

"Ohonhonhon, what have we here~" a mysterious voice cackled.

Another joined in. "Looks like a little bit of conflict between facts."

The doors flew open with a bang. The first spoke, flipping a lock of blond hair over his shoulder. "Tell me, _Prusse_, what gave you the right to tell me my own little son could not possibly give you cock? After all, he was only taught by the best!"

"_Si_," the second chimed in, green eyes reflecting his humor. "It's almost as though he's ashamed!"

Prussia growled like a feral cat. "And what the hell are you two perverts doing in the closet?"

France gasped, clutching a hand to his heart as a self-spotlight appeared out of nowhere and cascaded him with glowing golden light. "Oh my dear _ami_, how could you call us perverts? After all, you are but one of our dear friends! Could this mean the end of our long-standing relationships?"

"…you make it sound like I'm your sex slave…"

"Still, I never expected your boyfriend of all people to take command and dominate you in the way that you'd just described to us," said Spain. "Except it seems you switched the roles, of course. But he's not exactly the type, is he? Kinda…I dunno-what's the word?-forgettable?"

"I'm right here, you know," Canada muttered.

Someone did notice him then.

"Oh Canada! Papa is so proud of you~" France cooed, hugging the poor boy's head to his chest and cradling him like that.

Spain laughed jovially. "Of all people though, _mi amigo_, I didn't expect it to be you who preferred taking it up the ass~"

"How can you say something that crude with such a straight face!" demanded Prussia. "And how the fuck did you two manage to get into the closet?"

"So Canada," France said quietly, his tone becoming more and more lewd as he spoke. "Tell me, does _Prusse_ like it when you wear aprons? Or is he more of a leather corset type?"

"_FRANKREICH!_"

And this was the day that Prussia learned to never cross Canada again. Especially after the "punishment" he'd received that night. No, even he (the most awesome of awesome entities on the face of the planet) could not go for that long ever again.

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_A/N: Hi everyone, Sushi-taro here! Wow, it's been a while since I've written anything Hetalia, let alone post a fic on this account._

_For anyone who gave me a one-shot request, I promise you I'm getting around to all of them and they should be done before the year is out. And yes, I mean all ten of you! I've just been swamped with life these last few months and I apologize for that. But I'm working on them all, so I haven't forgotten any of them!_

_As for this random drabble vic, I've decided to make it open to anyone who wants something to happen. So I'll be reading comments! Anything that involves the Bad Touch Trio will be considered and possibly written. Just leave a comment or shoot me a PM and I'll see what I can do._

_Until next time!_

_-Sushi_


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